It's on silent.

I came back home from college today in an hour of reaching college. I got really sick.


I got sick because yesterday something extremely wrong happened, and instead of addressing it there and then I let it go on without thinking of the consequences. What happened shouldn't have happened. And when it did I should have cleared it out. And it got to me, 14 hours later after one of my 'friends' decided to let me know what he really thinks of me.


I'm the exact opposite of what he thinks.


I don't want attention from the opposite sex in general. I expect it from one member of it. And that is my boyfriend. THAT has to be allowed.


It's not intentional. There is nothing from my side which warrants the behavior that the asshole causing all this is showing. I'm just in the wrong fucking place at the wrong fucking time and no one seems to believe me except this girl that I love to death, let's call her A.


Whatever anyone may say and whatever he thinks, I really love my boyfriend (let's call him P, calling him 'my boyfriend' seems so obnoxious). P is everything I could ask for and more, and I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have him love me back. So to S (friend who yelled at me this morning), I say, "Don't test me on this."


I am also not a drama queen. I want attention, I agree. But I will never go to the level of K (this other girl I know, and I hate her with a vengeance) or even S (I told you who that is up there) so maybe he should keep his sodding opinion to himself.


The sad thing is, I'm supposed to be in fucking college. But this is no better than high school. The same politics, the same hierarchy. The same cliques, the 'cool' and the 'uncool'. Aaaarrgghhh. 


Detachment, closure. Need it, want it.


Home in ten days. Need to get through ten days stuck in this madhouse.


I can do it.


I think.