Afternoon spliff

You know what's my favourite time of the day?

That hour right after a nice 1 pm mini meal known as lunch. 2 pm to 3 pm in summer, winter, monsoon, autumn...it's not too late in the 24 hour cycle but not too early either. Just right to get into bed with a cozy book and maybe drift into a nap.

I'm hella high.

Revival

After months of feeling like a shitty untalented prick of a person, endless tea cups and crying snivelling phone conversations with Ze Boyfriend, I'm typing this as a graduate!

*cue awkward dancing in a saree*

I cannot put into words the complete LACK OF STRESS in my body and mind. Can you imagine college being over? It feels surreal. No more late night texts to sleeping housemates asking them to wake me up the next day; no more end-of-the-month-broke-people-food like bread and butter; no more woefully staring at the Nutella jars on the supermarket shelf, wondering when you're going home next where Nutella is boundless.

Of course being at home has disadvantages too, like how much these 4 years are going to shape the way I think and how much I'll miss them, all the goddamn time. Not to mention the people.

Oh man.

Anyway I don't want to go down that road right now because where I am right now is the best feeling in the world, with these graduate idiots I call my friends.

This is just to say hi, Chaos, and to tell you I'm back, Professional Diploma in Visual Communication Design and all.

Love,
Kanika

This should be fun

I've been taking very long baths.

Since I'm not at home currently (and it feels so weird to be back in that college time hobo living phase) baths take longer because I must

- wash clothes
- clean bathroom before I bathe
- wipe bathroom floor after I bathe
- carry my toiletries into the bathroom and back into the suitcase
- carry sogging clothes out to the balcony in a heavy ass bucket

But none of this^ can bring down the joy of finding that sweet spot between Antarctica Freezing and Hot as Hell, standing under that strong force of warm water and somehow feeling all your shitty responsibilities clear off your skin, not to mention all the time you get to wallow in your mistakes and find ways to feel invigorated again.

If only.

Haha, anyhow. My final life-determining jury presentation is tomorrow. The amount of stress is my body is making me sick, and it's making me think back to my 12th standard boards. Of course I know now what I didn't know then: the 12th standard boards aren't stressful at all compared to what life throws at you later. But suddenly the still 16 year old side of me began to sulk at her one biggest worry being trivialised. Come to think of it, the stress never really goes away, rather manifests itself in whatever you need to be worried about at that age.

I need to sleep before I pass the point of waking up on time. And Jesus, I sound like a rambling drunk person.

I'll come back to you with jury results, Chaos. Keep the alcohol ready.

because I'm doing exactly what I should be doing at this point: watching Grey's Anatomy and forgetting what day it is.

Love,
Kanika

p.s. follow me on instagram! I'm way more active than a normal human being should be.

Beginning / End

Over the past week, I had to pack up my Bangalore life into cartons and suitcases. Somehow shut 4 years of memories & love and happiness and relationships into boxes and send them back home. And then I had to leave too.

Of course it did not hit me till the taxi driver called and asked for directions, & suddenly I was blubbering and tearing up over the phone. I spent 4 years waiting to leave this place and when I was at the end all I wanted was another day in that house, making maggi at 3 am and drinking quietly in the balcony so that our landlord wouldn't get to know and watching Friends with Ze Boyfriend while sitting on the same cartons I had just finished packing, holding his hand really tightly because I knew in a few hours I'd be too far away.

[it's not like I won't see him. I still have my final diploma project left to do, I just chose to do it in Delhi. I'll see him soon. :)]

I hated leaving, and last minute my friends decided to drop me to the airport; one showed up with his car, so the taxi left with other people with flights at the same time. I cried quietly all the way to the airport, I cried when I had to hug everyone, I cried when I got to the check-in counter (thinking about it right now is forming a lump in my throat) and I realised it was harder to leave Bangalore than it was to leave Delhi 4 years ago.

I've been home for a couple of days now. Sorry about the silence. Just lots of things to miss.

The very sweet Anjali has given me a blog award and it requires some do-ing; give me a day or two to adjust to all this upheaval and I'll be back. (:

Lots of love,
Kanika

Punctuating

Happy birthday to a very tired-sounding mother.

Speaking to my family is not a regular deal for me; we probably have a 15 minute conversation every two-three days. It makes me miss home horrendously, even after 4 years of being away from them. I always know what'll be happening at home when I get a call; I can hear people talking in the background and I can hear my father's old hindi music blasting from the speakers and I can hear my grandmother asking how much rice to cook and my sister's interjecting from the back and asking if I heard that particular song she sent me and my mother tells me about family get-togethers and everyone always asks me when I'm coming home for my next vacation...it's an overwhelming amount of things to suddenly miss and just after the conversation ends I feel weird for a while. As if being there amidst all that chaos would somehow give me the peace of mind I'm craving right now.

Summer vacations are being planned, and I think my parents have forgotten the FINAL PROJECT I AM SUPPOSED TO BE STARTING IN JULY ON THE BASIS OF WHICH I WILL GRADUATE (OR WON'T, DEPENDING ON WHETHER I MAKE A HASH OF IT OR NOT). But the plan is to go to our favorite kind of holiday destination, a secluded hill-spot, where the pine trees are too tall to look up at and the drives are long and beautiful with Paul Simon singing along, so I refuse to crib about it. I need that kind of de-stressing sojourn so desperately.

No more whining. Let's beat this Sunday.

Enticing Solitude

A blog award slipped right past, but I'm giving it the attention it deserves now. Akanksha, you lovely thing, thank you! :)

So the rules of this 'Creative Blogger' award are:

1. Thank the blogger and link back to their blog.
done and done!

2. a) Tell us three things about yourself.
one, I'm a hothead.
two, I love to sing!
three, I always take hot water baths, no matter the weather.

2. b)Tell us two things people don't know about you.
one, I hate cake. (sorry, I really am)
two, I use hair serum (really ran out of things to say)

2. c)Tell us one thing you want to change about yourself.
my temper, most definitely. I wish I was inherently calmer.

3. Answer the questions asked by the blogger.

a. What if pigs actually have money inside them? Would you slice 'em up to check?

HAHAHAHAHA OMG WHAT?!

Well now that you mention it, it might just be a possibility, but the only reason I'd slice a pig is for pork.

b. What is the worst pick-up line you've been hit upon by?

Not the worst but most recent.

sigh.

c. Which God do you presume is a fashionista?

Aphrodite, obviously! Also maybe Artemis. (sorry Greek mythology is too interesting!)

d. Do you believe in hate at first sight?

Hell yeah.

e. Is Polo an illegitimate kid to doughnuts?

No, just trying too hard.

f. What made Passion Fruit have the name it does?

It's loud and complex and interesting, just like its namesake.

4. Nominate other bloggers.

Isha, at Chaai, Paani, Etc. 

I love her & miss her blogging!

Nilanjana, at ~Nil.

because she's lovely and happy and beautiful. :)

Kshipra, at Muse-Ment

for being delightful and profound. <3 p="">

And Maryam, at Overwhelming Confessions

one of the most beautiful bloggers I know :)

5. Ask questions to the bloggers you nominated.

Choose between (and tell us why)

a) the beach and the mountains

b) chocolate and vanilla

c) heels and flipflops

d) holi and diwali

e) glasses and contact lenses

6. Inform the bloggers you nominated.

On my way!

Love love,

Kanika

1 AM and Diet Chips

Why do we dwell on the hurtful things, so much so that we have no space in our hearts and minds to dedicate to the good things? It's one of those human tendencies you promise yourself you'll break out of. To be able to find joy in the little stuff is a gift you are capable of receiving.

You know that people aren't nice so why waste time talking about exactly how un-nice they are? Spend that time lying down on your bed, staring at the ceiling and smiling when you think about your lunch and all its deliciousness. Take a walk with a camera and snap a photo of absolutely anything. Have impromptu 30-second dance marathons. Sit with friends who make you laugh.

Life is just too goddamn short to be angry with stupid people all the time. Wake up every morning with the drive to ignore them and concentrate on making each day extraordinary.

Stay lovely,
Kanika

source

Chasing pavements and dreams of not having a paunch

Hello, my beautiful blog.

Being at home is decadent and rewarding. I've been eating so much nice food that I'm dreading going back to the nights of instant noodles. Of course, I also must try to get rid of the paunch I've developed...and I thought I must before I got attached to it lovingly (sometime last week I caressed my stomach and apologized for not feeding it chicken in a while. I begun to freak myself out). Cue 'Eye of the Tiger' and brisk walks every evening. It took me three days to stop getting tired within ten minutes. My iPod is a brilliant companion. :)

I've been spending a lot of time on Blogger recently and I've been stumbling across blogs where the last post was scarily long ago (think '1 year', '2 years'...) and the thought made me shudder. I cannot imagine not being able to post in that long...and I vowed to make sure my blog doesn't land up being silent for such a while.

Hence!

This is what I currently look like, for people who wanted to know:

I don't want to puke looking at this picture, so I guess it's a good one.

Credits for this: my sister sitting on top of a slide.

The posts are going to be more frequent, I promise (if anyone is still even reading my crap) and I have some stuff coming up next week which I will want to share! :) (mostly it'll be self-obsessed photos of me. You have been warned.)

Let the comments roll in!

Love,

Kanika

We Will Be Changed

Hello!

Let me share my state of mind and its uncertain nature in these photos. Literally, ten minutes apart.

I have long since given up trying to understand my brain.

One thing though. Few days ago, I was rightly slapped back into reality from the soulless abyss I was falling into. Ze boyfriend pulled me up, dusted me down, and gave me a talking to I most rightly deserved. No more cribbing and whining, I'm telling myself, I'm going to start spreading only sweetness and light.

It's very easy to make these pronouncements at 12.24 am when you know you can't sleep till at least 3. I'm not fretting at the thought though. I'm looking forward to it. There's something about the feeling...8tracks playlists in my ears, my fairy lights keeping me company at unearthly hours, and just me and Adobe Illustrator. It's therapeutic. And for a while it hadn't been. I'm happy it's here again. :)

Anywho, the good(er) news is, Akanksha (click here for her lovely blog) has bestowed me with this, and I need to do some things in order to receive it completely.

1. Thank the person who nominated you and link back.

2. State 7 random facts about yourself.

3. Answer the questions the tagger asked you.

4. Generate questions for people you want to award.

5. Inform them.

Okay, then.

1. Thank you Akanksha! You are very lovely and I hope you continue finding my blog worth your reading time :) linked back already! <3 p="p">

2. Seven Random Facts About Me

• I've cut my own hair once out of frustration.
• Most mornings I wake up with chai withdrawal; expecting me to be polite before my morning cuppa is widely considered futile.
• I'm curently in the middle of reading 5 books. (Catcher in the Rye, To Kill a Mockingbird, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, The Fountainhead, some random chick novel) Time isn't on my side. Come my two week Delhi vacation, and they'll all be crossed off my list.
• I don't lend my earphones.
• I've stopped lending books once they started coming back in terrible shape.
• I follow too many TV shows at a time.
• I procrastinate a LOT.

3. Akanksha's questions:

If you had a pig, what would you name it?-

I would name it Chamkili. (sparkly in Hindi)

How do you exert most energy? =P 

Sitting on my ass, watching Grey's Anatomy, eating Cheetos (I wish I could lose calories doing that, I would be invisible by now)

What do you think would happen if your dog ate your sunscreen?

Nothing really. I don't have a dog, I can try it out on my little sister and tell you :P

Why doesn't McDonald's sell hotdogs?

I HAVE BEEN ASKING THE SAME THING. IT'S CRIMINAL. I WANT MCDOGS.

Do prison buses have emergency exits?

Ooh I love witty questions, sadly my answers never match up. But no, I guess not.

Why can't doughnuts be square?

There has to be some physics thing to this...

I googled it.

"It's to allow maximum capacity and less breakage when being filled by machine with a filling such as custard or jelly. A square doughnut would break at the corners and so would a triangular doughnut.And having a hole in the middle of the dough would increase the surface area of the dough to improve the texture when fried. Also, a round doughnut is the easiest to create when cooking because most types of dough round out when baked unless put into a special tray. The round doughnut is also much more appealing to the eye than a square or triangular doughnut...no matter how cool those would be :D
Also its easier to make...you just roll the dough out...cut it and connect the two sides to make a circle.

And having a hole in the middle of the dough would
increase the surface area of the dough to improve the texture when fried."

:D

Are children who acted in rated R movies allowed to see them?

Haha NO WAY. Rather, I hope not. But I'm sure during shooting they see way more than they bargained for anyway.

Does a postman deliver his own mail?

It's possible! Heck, that's awesome, his mail's never gonna get lost.

Why are the shoe sizes different for a man and a woman of the same height?

Biologically, women are smaller. It's an evolutionary thing.

Okay, can't get anymore crazier. Review my blog. =P

Akanksha! You are such a cute little person. Your posts are so much fun to read and I laugh out loud sometimes :) Just one tiny suggestion: the font size could be a tad smaller and have a subtler colour. Sorry! Graphic design student up in da hood :P

4. Oh no! My questions to you guys:

- Do you believe in miracles?

- What is the most beautiful place you've ever been in?

- Who is your favorite band/artist and why?

- Is 2012 really the end of the world?

- If you had to choose between travelling the entire world and going to the moon (money no bar) which     would you choose?

- What's the most delicious thing you've ever eaten?

- Review my blog :P (I LOVE THIS QUESTION)

- Lastly, in the words of Arthur Weasley, what exactly is the function of a rubber duck?

5. Award people.

This is me being my uncharacteristically sweetness-and-light self.
Whoever is reading this post, you're awarded. Anyone who's feeling good about themselves today can choose to reward themselves for feeling good. And those who are on the dark side of things today, well, here's a pick-me-up, this award's yours :)

Going to post more soon!
Love,

Kanika

Keep Calm and Ca - NO, THANK YOU.

Today, I felt like the most people around me are a mixture of lots of things. Sadly, almost none of these things are happiness-inducing. Arrogance and over-confidence are a deadly set of qualities and it's frustrating to watch people strut around like they own the place. They're going to self-destruct soon enough, and then us socially awkward angels will take over the world.

Coming back to socially awkward, I cleaned my room like a mofo today, and after a marathon session where I think I chucked lots of stuff the 16-year-old me had saved from school for sentimentality, I decided to take the longest hot bath of my life, because I deserved it.

This is me, now: 

The best way to fall asleep is to do it with a book on your face.

Love,

Kanika

Articulate Silences

Hi everybody, you don't have to miss me anymore, I'm back for good! It's been so long since I clicked on 'New Post'. It feels great. I feel great.

Lots of alone time and new music leads to constant epiphanies. Boredom helps, mostly. Being quiet has its advantages. I feel terrible for not telling you what I've been thinking and feeling, it's been nearly a month and I haven't found the words to explain it. It's a strange calm which is irritating everybody around me because it's making me put myself before everyone. I want to be a better person, and I needed to retreat for a while and let these feelings wash over me so that they never come back. I've gone into a cave of silence. It's tranquil. Nothing bothers me here. Whatever had the capacity to get under my skin no longer occupies any space in my mind..leaves so much more room for happiness. :)

I've been-

keeping my room clean,

spending hours on filing my nails,

drinking 3 cups of green tea in a day,

not giving a damn,

not talking to anyone,

pissing off my boyfriend,

reading books,

watching way too much Community,

singing loudly and badly,

spending no money (doesn't mean I'm saving it),

drawing and listening to new music which is lovely,

drinking chai in the rain,

taking baths that are way too long and relaxing,

feeling too much and too little at the same time,

avoiding conflict and creating it,

dancing alone with my fairy lights on,

eating apples,

not talking to people who bore me,

unapologetically rude,

writing in my mind and not in my journal,

missing some people who decided to leave me alone for their own good,

reading things I wish I had written,

smiling to myself.

College isn't feeling very challenging, only boring and demotivating, and it's getting intensely difficult to find ways to push myself. The past three weeks haven't been that hectic, but next week promises a shit-storm of great magnitude. I'm prepared. 

And I'm going to try to post at least once every two days. I took three weeks off, and it's time to be attached to this blog again. Starting with how it looks now, I'm loving the minimal clean feel. Comments are very welcome and much loved. :)

Love,

Kanika

Clarity

"I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own."

Oh, Chris Martin, you beautiful being.

Hello, world.

I feel so much more at peace with my feelings these days, whether the feelings themselves are of unrest and anger. It just feels good to not deny the chance of feeling a certain way, be it tired or happy or calm or stressed. Feel each feeling through, right till the bone, till you simply cannot feel it any longer. Maybe this newfound contentment is due to the multiple cups of chai I've been treating myself to. Or just being (or forcing myself to be) so calm about everything.

It's a good day. Here, have some love :*

Love, 

Kanika

Eyes on Fire

Taking every day as a new obstacle and crossing it with pride (mostly). Every morning I decide to do things differently than the previous one, but it mostly ends up being the same shit-fest day after day.
There is my instantly hot temper, my ability to feel extremely stupid in a group of people because I space out so often I can't follow the conversation, and I'm been thinking about things way bigger and beyond anything I experience in any one day in college. Lots of questioning, mostly unnecessary, but it feels important.

Work isn't exciting, there are too many random holidays in the middle of the week to keep me in a sleepless-stressed-about-work stupor.

This song is lovely, give it a listen.

Born to Die - Lana Del Rey

Randomly,

Kanika

p.s. I love comments, I don't bite.

p.p.s. I just did 20 stomach crunches and then rewarded myself with a packet of hide-n-seek biscuits. Nice.

A Prick of a Day

Somedays I'm so insightful that I surprise myself, and somedays it's the wine talking.
Either way, I have things to tell you, whoever you are.

It struck me in a moment of disappointment that it's stupid to trust anyone to not break your heart. Even someone who loves you (intensely) is capable of throwing you into the deep end without so much as a log to hold on to, and the water in your lungs makes it hard to ask for help. Of course after all the apologies are exchanged everything is magically alright again, but I wondered last night...are the scars really gone? Didn't the words that were flung at you cut you up so much that you promised yourself you would never face them again? How does a hug and a sorry bandage that?

I always believed if you love someone, all your interactions with them are influenced by your feelings. I  love you so much that even when you piss me off I stay calm (a courtesy I offer to no one but you), lest I say something absolutely atrocious that hurts you. But maybe I'm in the minority, the small group of people who care too much, cry too easily, and let go too fast.

I miss your comments, you guys.

Love,
Kanika

I'm allowed to be sappy sometimes.

To the glasses of Tang we shared on the terrace at midnight, talking quietly so that no one finds us,

To the little random gifts on my table and under my pillow, the ones that made me smile between tears,

To movie+pizza nights with the girls and loud game sessions with the boys,

To laughing at youtube videos and watching them so many times we can talk along,

To sharing a joke across class and trying to keep the giggles down,

To long text messages on occasions (which you always remember),

To sneaking out and doing shit we shouldn't have,

To getting drunk and high together and tripping on shit,

To gushing over crushes and getting over them,

To favorite songs that told you what I was going through,

To well-deserved and well-timed slaps in the face,

To sitting in silence together but still feeling like I told you everything,

To days and nights out and feeling so much together,

To never feeling lonely even if I'm miles away.

Happy friendship day, you idiots, I love you guys so much.

:)

Kanika

Acknowledgements and Happy Days

Something crazy has happened. For the first time, three people have passed the same award to me, and it's so wonderful because it's literally the 'Favourite Blog' award. Ruhani, Priyanka and Akanksha, thank you so much for thinking I deserve this :) 


German for 'favourite' - Liebster!

The downside is, though, there is now so much I have to do for this, and all that into 3. I have to write 11 facts about myself (so Imma now have to think of THIRTY THREE), I have to answer 11 questions (oh no, thirty three) and I'll have to frame 11 more questions for the people I pass this award onto. I have no qualms in all this, I just hope you guys don't get bored reading so much gibberish :3 (no one told me to write 3 times the amount I need to, I'm just in a really talkative mood right now)


OKAY, THIRTY THREE FACTS ABOUT ME.


1. I was born prematurely, and because I was so small my parents named me Kanika which means as small as an atom. Actually my mom named me that, my dad was vehement on calling me 'Amrusha'. No offence to anyone called that, but I'm glad my mother won that argument.


2. I actually prayed every night from the day my mom told me she was pregnant right up till she gave birth. I prayed for a sister, because I was 8 years old which is bang smack in the middle of my boys-are-so-stupid phase. I figured God existed, because I got what I asked for. And I got to name her :)


3. I've never got stitches, and I've never broken any part of my body. The most massive medical distress I was in was when I got jaundice as a seven year old, and then mild chickenpox in 12th standard.


4. I'm very good at remembering phone numbers, dates and random facts which makes me come off as really creepy on some occasions. :P


5. Every month for about 5 days, I VICIOUSLY wish I was a boy (certain days these are...when my womanhood is showing off in full bloody glory).


6. I'm terrible when it comes to keeping grudges. By that I mean it takes a lot for me to let it go, and if I do so without much persuasion then I probably really care about you.


7. The first time I ever stuck to a new year resolution was when I got my nose pierced. I know it's not a big thing, but man, it felt amazing the moment after it happened. (obviously I'm forgetting the stinging crazy pain from my nostril)


8. I truly love Coldplay's music. I'm not calling myself their biggest fan or anything (I probably don't even know as much about Chris Martin as some people around me do) but wow, their music is just so soothing and calming. Fuck the haters!


9. Ditto^ for John Mayer.


10. I really want to color my hair but I'm constantly worried I'll look like a fool. (Nilanjana, if you're reading this, you're amazingly awesome for getting it done, and woo, it looks great, we all know it <3 p="p">
11. My current courses all deal with content writing and editing - I've basically died and gone to writer heaven. I would love to be an editor, I think that job is made for me.

12. I do this extremely frustrating thing where I start a conversation on fb chat and lose the will to talk halfway into my second sentence. If I've done this to you, forgive me. I swing from friendly to aloof within seconds.

13. Not very random and pretty obvious really, but I love blogging :)

14. I've always wondered what having long hair would entail. The longest my hair has ever been is three inches down my shoulder. (I shouldn't really talk about my hair, it's a really heart wrenching topic)

15. I love hot baths. (I have a feeling I've mentioned this 23456785432 times before)

16. I LOVE MY MACBOOK IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

17. I'm a fourth year, the senior most batch in my college. I don't feel it at all. This happened to me during school too - when I was in sixth standard the seniors were these mature, smart people, ready to go out into the big bad world. I reached there myself and realised I was as immature and silly as I had always been. Being in my last year of college hasn't changed that.

18. My favourite book, song and color changes every goddamn day. (little hard to answer when someone asks, but today it's The Perks of Being A Wallflower/Into the Wild - LP/ turquoise)

19. I'm currently wearing my boyfriend's shirt to college. It looks really good on me. :D

20. I'm working on a new blog look right now. (by that I mean header). Suggestions are welcome. :)

21. I try very hard to keep everyone around me happy. In trying to do that I piss a lot of people off because it essentially means I can never decide on something. I'll be stressed whether I made the right choice for everyone.

22. ^As you can tell, I mostly never give a shit about myself. It works on some occasions and backfires on others.

23. I'm a notebook junkie. I collect notebooks but mostly leave them empty out of fear of ruining their pages.

24. I sniff books. Specially old ones my mother digs out from the recesses of her bookshelf with yellow dog-eared pages and tiny serif fonts. She recently lent me her copy of some John Grisham novel and I immediately dug my nose into it. (you'd think she'd be surprised but after 20 years of raising the idiot that I am, she was expressionless)

25. I want to lose weight. Anybody with tips, email me. Haha

26. I have forced my boyfriend to dance with me one really drunk night with friends. We played 'Glad You Came' and just jumped for the entire duration of the song. It was a crazy experience :D

27. I would like to achieve a perfect British accent.

28. I'm an amazing bathroom singer. Like, I have serious talent.

29. I'm an over-planner. I do not like to 'wing it' and if I am not completely sure about what the schedule is I will refuse to be a part of whatever it is, no matter how much I love it.

30. I remember song lyrics really easily, which leads people to think that I'm jobless.

31. I love triangles and geometric shapes, specially in illustrations and graphic design.

32. JUNK FOOD FTW

33. I had way more fun writing these than I expected :D

NOW! THIRTY THREE QUESTIONS I MUST ANSWER!
Akanksha's questions for me:

(1) If you were given one wish, what would that be? 

I would love to be stuck in my last year of school.

     

(2) Which place do you wish to visit the most?

Greece.

(3) If you somehow become the President, what would be the first thing that you'd do?

Take a nap on the giant insane bed I know I'll have/enable wi-fi at the Rashtrapati Bhavan.

(4) Your favourite author?

Oh no...there are too many. JK Rowling, Eoin Colfer are my all-time favourite authors.

(5) How much does blogging mean to you?

I love blogging. I love the joy of putting my thoughts out somewhere in the virtual cosmos.

(6) Would you give away everything for something that you love doing? 

Depends on how much I love it. Probs yes.

(7) What's the one thing that you would like to get from life?

Contentment.

(8) What would you do if you won a million dollars?

Spend some on nice clothes and food, give the rest to my parents.

(9) What's your life motto?

"When in doubt, eat a burger. When in greater doubt, take a nap." - Me

(10) How stupid and lame are the questions?  

Haha they really aren't.

Ruhani's questions follow:

1. The CRAZIEST thing that you've ever done? 

Sneaked a cigarette at home. So boring :|

2. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?

Eating.

3. If the average human lifespan was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?

Travel like a motherfucker.

4. If you could break one law, which one would that be?

Pretty sure I've broken some, I'm good. Thanks :P

5. What do you do, that you think, makes you different from everyone else?

Decide what I should do on the basis of others' opinions, so much that I forget it's about me.

6. Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really think it makes the elevator move faster? :P

I'm the most impatient person I know. (that's a 'hell yes')

7. If you were standing on stage, unaware that hundreds of people were watching you, what would you have done?

Sing a duet from High School Musical (of course I would sing both parts)

8. Who do you think is the sexiest person alive? [Please avoid mentioning me. Obvious facts don't need to be reiterated. :P ]

Haha. George Clooney.

9. Who would you rather date. A worried genius or a joyous simpleton?

Worried genius, any day.

10. If you were stranded on an island, which three things would you like to have in your bag?

a book, a notebook, a pen.

11. What is your first impression of me/this blog? [Muhahahaha. oh how I love being the evil bitch, the mother of all conspiracies and controversies! :D ]

Ruhani you're wonderful :) all your posts are insightful and a delight to read.

Priyanka's questions! :)

1. If you won a billion dollars what are the first 3 things you'd do with it?

Already answered this. Buy some food, some clothes, rest is with the parents.

2. What do you think are your chances of being born as a milkman in your next life?

I was thinking more along the lines of insect, so I really hope my chances of being a milkman are higher!

3. One celebrity you'd love to date.

TOM FELTON, NO DISCUSSION

4. Which bands'/artists' concerts do you really want to attend? Name any 5.

Coldplay, Jason Mraz, Gold Panda, John Mayer, Justin Timberlake.

5. Flip flops or heels?

Flip flops all the time, heels when I decide to look decent.

6. A movie you could watch any number of times?

Mona Lisa Smile and Shawshank Redemption.

7. Who was your first follower?

My roommate :3

8. Describe a moment when you were really proud of yourself.

Prefect in school.

9. What is the one thing you'd do, if you knew you'd be successful at it?

Cook for a living.

10. The best compliment you've ever received?
"The guy who gets to be with you will be the luckiest guy in the world." - breakup conversation

11. By which year do you think we'll finally establish contact with aliens?
Never really. If they haven't contacted us yet they're probably really smart because they're staying away from us.

You know, this was exhausting. Fellow bloggers I award now, just pick and choose your favourite 11 questions from the plethora above and answer them any way you like :)

Now when it comes to awarding people, I want to award all three ladies who awarded me because I love their blogs.

Ruhani

Priyanka 

Akanksha

you guys are so amazing :) you don't need to go through this whole process again but. :P BE HAPPY WITH THE AWARDZ YOU ALL ARE GETTING LIKE MONAY.

Other people I want to award are -

Vidhi

*Dark Angel*

Soumi

Shiromi

I do, I do

I'm going to go and pass this on, now :)

If you read all the way down here, thank you for sticking with the bullshit. I love you.

Yay,
Kanika

Maybe I need to write a book

I've been at home and only home for 5 days now. Five days full of feeling. 

I've been in the middle of a lot of conversations lately. I've been watching more news on TV than I have in the entire duration of my being in Bangalore. TV people no longer know how to conduct a debate, it consists only of fat old politicians yelling at each other and making a fool of themselves. People around me yell across rooms and parks and into gadgets. The decibel levels make me cringe and shudder. Who talks softly anymore? And is there anyone who still values the beauty of silence?

I feel closer to a person with whom I am able to share a comfortable and non-awkward silence. That's the real test of a relationship...are you able to still feel together when you're not verbally showing it? There is so much more said in the lack of words than in their abundance. I've been keeping my thoughts to me for a few days and it's overwhelming, but fulfilling. And when I do say something, I make sure it's honest, and clear. It makes for less chance of conflict...with family, with boyfriend, with friends. If you tell someone exactly how you feel in the clearest way possible they never have to assume what you think, and there is simply no room for miscommunication or misunderstanding. I've been trying really hard to not let my short temper explode at the littlest things, and it was difficult at the beginning when everyone turned into a complete asshole. People are inconsiderate and no one is inherently nice anymore. I had to stop deluding myself into thinking that people like being polite; they don't. Everybody's default setting is jackass. And the sooner I realised that, the sooner it got easier to be carefree. I'm not going to be all zen and say that you should stay calm no matter what...if someone's mean to you, I'd say give it back. Subtly maybe, so that your karma doesn't get all screwed up.

Being at home for these two months has taught me tact, has made me quieter than I have ever been, happier in many ways and sad in some. I'm glad I interned here. I needed time with my family. 

Coorg tomorrow. This trip is going to be insane. I'M GOING TO MAKE IT FUN. :D

I'm sorry about the silence on the blog. I think I explained the reasons for it, up there. But let me get back to college and the many emotions it brings, and soon I shall be a chatterbox again.

Love in excitement and tranquility,

Kanika

Pathos and Apologies

Joyous June has been discontinued.

I've been under so much stress and pressure at my internship and I've had sleepless nights for a week. I couldn't keep up with it. I'm sorry to anyone who wanted to join later. And I'll also be deleting all the JJ posts by tomorrow. But I will update this post with all your links tomorrow, because I'm so happy the people who participated did so. I don't want to remove all that with nothing to show for it.
I want to go back to relaxing blogging for a bit. Not blogging that was causing me to be in hysterics at the despair of not being able to update on time. It got too much for me. I'm feeling horrible but I assure you (and myself) that I will make up for it by doing it another month, maybe when I'm back in Bangalore, because somehow I manage to feel more inspired. Maybe it's sitting at home and having so many things and people that distract. Or even just going to work from 9-7 and coming home with no desire other than to meet my bed with a giant hug. The past week has been long and ardous, and with three days left for my internship to end, I just really want a break.

In other random news and feelings, not only am I exhausted physically, but mentally I'm not in a great place. I have things to deal with but no time. Bangalore shall bring clarity and solace. I cannot wait. Three more weeks.

Love,
Kanika

Sleep can't cure this

"Go away," she said,
"leave me be,
to wallow in my misery
to soak up in all this self-pity
because no one seems to care."

Yes, I wrote that. I'm a genius with poetry, am I not?

- I have too many feelings inside me right now, and they are threatening to come in the way of my daily routine. I feel like curling up in bed and sleeping for days so that no one is able to hurt me anymore.

- I want to do another Fantabulous February, except this time it'll be Joyous June. Let me know if it's a good idea and if you would like to join. Read more about FF under the FF label. Click on the top of the post.

- I'm going to spend tomorrow entirely without using an internet connection. I was going to say computer/laptop but I forgot I'm at work and without solitaire to calm me down I will probably brutally beat my fellow intern. No facebook, email, twitter, tumblr or blogging tomorrow. Can I do this? I'm certainly gonna try.

Love with feeling, (if the labels on this post are any indication)
Kanika

Take Care

I was a good person today. I didn't get angry with anyone, I did all the chores I'm expected to do at home without any prompting for once, I listened to my boyfriend when he was angry and I let him yell at me out of frustration, and I was quiet and supportive.

I felt good, it's true. I don't know how long I'll have to consciously do it before it becomes a habit. One thing I have to say, I felt really happy for some reason when I did so. I had moments when I felt a retort on my lips but I swallowed it and smiled, and somehow that calmed me down. It's not a normal hyperactive joy I felt today. It's a calmer internal tranquility. This is good for me, I can tell. I can breathe slowly today without any stress. Who know being NICE could do that :P

There is one thing that still rankled through the facade I put up today, and that is when someone told me to "chill" when I was so very obviously 'chilling'. There is a special place in hell for people who say that in such situations.

I have to share one song today. It's just so addictive and it's stuck in my head. I will proceed to hear this and only this for the first proper 2-day weekend I have off in three weeks.

The video is really beautiful. And I have new found love for Drake. He's always seemed like a bit of a douche. If you hate this kinda music (and I thought I would hate it too) just forget that for about 4 minutes and listen to this song. It's really really great.

:)

Love in happiness of a different kind,
Kanika

p.s. name suggestions for illustration blog are welcome and DESPERATELY NEEDED!