This should be fun

I've been taking very long baths.

Since I'm not at home currently (and it feels so weird to be back in that college time hobo living phase) baths take longer because I must

- wash clothes
- clean bathroom before I bathe
- wipe bathroom floor after I bathe
- carry my toiletries into the bathroom and back into the suitcase
- carry sogging clothes out to the balcony in a heavy ass bucket

But none of this^ can bring down the joy of finding that sweet spot between Antarctica Freezing and Hot as Hell, standing under that strong force of warm water and somehow feeling all your shitty responsibilities clear off your skin, not to mention all the time you get to wallow in your mistakes and find ways to feel invigorated again.

If only.

Haha, anyhow. My final life-determining jury presentation is tomorrow. The amount of stress is my body is making me sick, and it's making me think back to my 12th standard boards. Of course I know now what I didn't know then: the 12th standard boards aren't stressful at all compared to what life throws at you later. But suddenly the still 16 year old side of me began to sulk at her one biggest worry being trivialised. Come to think of it, the stress never really goes away, rather manifests itself in whatever you need to be worried about at that age.

I need to sleep before I pass the point of waking up on time. And Jesus, I sound like a rambling drunk person.

I'll come back to you with jury results, Chaos. Keep the alcohol ready.

because I'm doing exactly what I should be doing at this point: watching Grey's Anatomy and forgetting what day it is.

Love,
Kanika

p.s. follow me on instagram! I'm way more active than a normal human being should be.

Of Love and Other Drugs

Being the douchebag that I am, I missed my blog's third birthday. Three years! My blog is three whole years old! I cannot believe in its existence sometimes. That there is this portal I created for me to talk to myself. And I've ignored it, been angry with it, wanted to shut it down, but I come back to it anyway, because on days when everything else is trying super hard to make me feel terrible, Chaos is what's left behind.

Happy belated birthday Chaos, you are loved! :)

In other news, I've fallen horribly sick and everything feels morose. Every inch of my body goes up in flames of pain when I try to move. This means I can't do anything but rest my laptop on my stomach and scroll through endless distances of tumblr and pinterest, because this is as good an excuse as any to not work. I'm being force-fed a multitude of medicines which leads to long periods of hazy things.

I've come to realise that this diploma project is bringing out the most powerful waves of self-doubt and under confidence. Ze Boyfriend and I are trying super hard to lean on each other and keep our chins up. It's difficult when you look at it head on, but having someone to cry and complain about it with you makes it feel 1235126387% do-able. Fascinating how love can fill up all your gaps.

I'll be back once my nose isn't threatening to fall off.

Love,
Kanika

Beginning / End

Over the past week, I had to pack up my Bangalore life into cartons and suitcases. Somehow shut 4 years of memories & love and happiness and relationships into boxes and send them back home. And then I had to leave too.

Of course it did not hit me till the taxi driver called and asked for directions, & suddenly I was blubbering and tearing up over the phone. I spent 4 years waiting to leave this place and when I was at the end all I wanted was another day in that house, making maggi at 3 am and drinking quietly in the balcony so that our landlord wouldn't get to know and watching Friends with Ze Boyfriend while sitting on the same cartons I had just finished packing, holding his hand really tightly because I knew in a few hours I'd be too far away.

[it's not like I won't see him. I still have my final diploma project left to do, I just chose to do it in Delhi. I'll see him soon. :)]

I hated leaving, and last minute my friends decided to drop me to the airport; one showed up with his car, so the taxi left with other people with flights at the same time. I cried quietly all the way to the airport, I cried when I had to hug everyone, I cried when I got to the check-in counter (thinking about it right now is forming a lump in my throat) and I realised it was harder to leave Bangalore than it was to leave Delhi 4 years ago.

I've been home for a couple of days now. Sorry about the silence. Just lots of things to miss.

The very sweet Anjali has given me a blog award and it requires some do-ing; give me a day or two to adjust to all this upheaval and I'll be back. (:

Lots of love,
Kanika

Punctuating

Happy birthday to a very tired-sounding mother.

Speaking to my family is not a regular deal for me; we probably have a 15 minute conversation every two-three days. It makes me miss home horrendously, even after 4 years of being away from them. I always know what'll be happening at home when I get a call; I can hear people talking in the background and I can hear my father's old hindi music blasting from the speakers and I can hear my grandmother asking how much rice to cook and my sister's interjecting from the back and asking if I heard that particular song she sent me and my mother tells me about family get-togethers and everyone always asks me when I'm coming home for my next vacation...it's an overwhelming amount of things to suddenly miss and just after the conversation ends I feel weird for a while. As if being there amidst all that chaos would somehow give me the peace of mind I'm craving right now.

Summer vacations are being planned, and I think my parents have forgotten the FINAL PROJECT I AM SUPPOSED TO BE STARTING IN JULY ON THE BASIS OF WHICH I WILL GRADUATE (OR WON'T, DEPENDING ON WHETHER I MAKE A HASH OF IT OR NOT). But the plan is to go to our favorite kind of holiday destination, a secluded hill-spot, where the pine trees are too tall to look up at and the drives are long and beautiful with Paul Simon singing along, so I refuse to crib about it. I need that kind of de-stressing sojourn so desperately.

No more whining. Let's beat this Sunday.

1 AM and Diet Chips

Why do we dwell on the hurtful things, so much so that we have no space in our hearts and minds to dedicate to the good things? It's one of those human tendencies you promise yourself you'll break out of. To be able to find joy in the little stuff is a gift you are capable of receiving.

You know that people aren't nice so why waste time talking about exactly how un-nice they are? Spend that time lying down on your bed, staring at the ceiling and smiling when you think about your lunch and all its deliciousness. Take a walk with a camera and snap a photo of absolutely anything. Have impromptu 30-second dance marathons. Sit with friends who make you laugh.

Life is just too goddamn short to be angry with stupid people all the time. Wake up every morning with the drive to ignore them and concentrate on making each day extraordinary.

Stay lovely,
Kanika

source

Chasing pavements and dreams of not having a paunch

Hello, my beautiful blog.

Being at home is decadent and rewarding. I've been eating so much nice food that I'm dreading going back to the nights of instant noodles. Of course, I also must try to get rid of the paunch I've developed...and I thought I must before I got attached to it lovingly (sometime last week I caressed my stomach and apologized for not feeding it chicken in a while. I begun to freak myself out). Cue 'Eye of the Tiger' and brisk walks every evening. It took me three days to stop getting tired within ten minutes. My iPod is a brilliant companion. :)

I've been spending a lot of time on Blogger recently and I've been stumbling across blogs where the last post was scarily long ago (think '1 year', '2 years'...) and the thought made me shudder. I cannot imagine not being able to post in that long...and I vowed to make sure my blog doesn't land up being silent for such a while.

Hence!

This is what I currently look like, for people who wanted to know:

I don't want to puke looking at this picture, so I guess it's a good one.

Credits for this: my sister sitting on top of a slide.

The posts are going to be more frequent, I promise (if anyone is still even reading my crap) and I have some stuff coming up next week which I will want to share! :) (mostly it'll be self-obsessed photos of me. You have been warned.)

Let the comments roll in!

Love,

Kanika

We're Wrong

"We accept the love we think we deserve." - The Perks of Being A Wallflower

Being self-aware is a prized and difficult quality, and the moments of my own where I think I have begun to understand why I am the way that I am make me intensely proud. Right now, for example, I know I don't deserve this, and after days of dealing I'm finally acting on that realisation. Cutting out the hard, terrible and rusty part of the love and trying to keep only the parts that still work. It's not supposed to feel like this, like a punishment, like there is nothing better out there so you stick with the hurtful. Know what you deserve - something that makes you happy. Every person, bad or good, deserves that. I am not a bad person, as much as I'm being convinced. 

Whatever happened to being scarred and broken but proud of it? Being complex and strange and weird but never berating yourself for being unsure?

I'm unsure. Complex. Moody. Sad, mostly. Difficult. But I love you. Let me love you anyway.

Love, 

Kanika

We Will Be Changed

Hello!

Let me share my state of mind and its uncertain nature in these photos. Literally, ten minutes apart.

I have long since given up trying to understand my brain.

One thing though. Few days ago, I was rightly slapped back into reality from the soulless abyss I was falling into. Ze boyfriend pulled me up, dusted me down, and gave me a talking to I most rightly deserved. No more cribbing and whining, I'm telling myself, I'm going to start spreading only sweetness and light.

It's very easy to make these pronouncements at 12.24 am when you know you can't sleep till at least 3. I'm not fretting at the thought though. I'm looking forward to it. There's something about the feeling...8tracks playlists in my ears, my fairy lights keeping me company at unearthly hours, and just me and Adobe Illustrator. It's therapeutic. And for a while it hadn't been. I'm happy it's here again. :)

Anywho, the good(er) news is, Akanksha (click here for her lovely blog) has bestowed me with this, and I need to do some things in order to receive it completely.

1. Thank the person who nominated you and link back.

2. State 7 random facts about yourself.

3. Answer the questions the tagger asked you.

4. Generate questions for people you want to award.

5. Inform them.

Okay, then.

1. Thank you Akanksha! You are very lovely and I hope you continue finding my blog worth your reading time :) linked back already! <3 p="p">

2. Seven Random Facts About Me

• I've cut my own hair once out of frustration.
• Most mornings I wake up with chai withdrawal; expecting me to be polite before my morning cuppa is widely considered futile.
• I'm curently in the middle of reading 5 books. (Catcher in the Rye, To Kill a Mockingbird, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, The Fountainhead, some random chick novel) Time isn't on my side. Come my two week Delhi vacation, and they'll all be crossed off my list.
• I don't lend my earphones.
• I've stopped lending books once they started coming back in terrible shape.
• I follow too many TV shows at a time.
• I procrastinate a LOT.

3. Akanksha's questions:

If you had a pig, what would you name it?-

I would name it Chamkili. (sparkly in Hindi)

How do you exert most energy? =P 

Sitting on my ass, watching Grey's Anatomy, eating Cheetos (I wish I could lose calories doing that, I would be invisible by now)

What do you think would happen if your dog ate your sunscreen?

Nothing really. I don't have a dog, I can try it out on my little sister and tell you :P

Why doesn't McDonald's sell hotdogs?

I HAVE BEEN ASKING THE SAME THING. IT'S CRIMINAL. I WANT MCDOGS.

Do prison buses have emergency exits?

Ooh I love witty questions, sadly my answers never match up. But no, I guess not.

Why can't doughnuts be square?

There has to be some physics thing to this...

I googled it.

"It's to allow maximum capacity and less breakage when being filled by machine with a filling such as custard or jelly. A square doughnut would break at the corners and so would a triangular doughnut.And having a hole in the middle of the dough would increase the surface area of the dough to improve the texture when fried. Also, a round doughnut is the easiest to create when cooking because most types of dough round out when baked unless put into a special tray. The round doughnut is also much more appealing to the eye than a square or triangular doughnut...no matter how cool those would be :D
Also its easier to make...you just roll the dough out...cut it and connect the two sides to make a circle.

And having a hole in the middle of the dough would
increase the surface area of the dough to improve the texture when fried."

:D

Are children who acted in rated R movies allowed to see them?

Haha NO WAY. Rather, I hope not. But I'm sure during shooting they see way more than they bargained for anyway.

Does a postman deliver his own mail?

It's possible! Heck, that's awesome, his mail's never gonna get lost.

Why are the shoe sizes different for a man and a woman of the same height?

Biologically, women are smaller. It's an evolutionary thing.

Okay, can't get anymore crazier. Review my blog. =P

Akanksha! You are such a cute little person. Your posts are so much fun to read and I laugh out loud sometimes :) Just one tiny suggestion: the font size could be a tad smaller and have a subtler colour. Sorry! Graphic design student up in da hood :P

4. Oh no! My questions to you guys:

- Do you believe in miracles?

- What is the most beautiful place you've ever been in?

- Who is your favorite band/artist and why?

- Is 2012 really the end of the world?

- If you had to choose between travelling the entire world and going to the moon (money no bar) which     would you choose?

- What's the most delicious thing you've ever eaten?

- Review my blog :P (I LOVE THIS QUESTION)

- Lastly, in the words of Arthur Weasley, what exactly is the function of a rubber duck?

5. Award people.

This is me being my uncharacteristically sweetness-and-light self.
Whoever is reading this post, you're awarded. Anyone who's feeling good about themselves today can choose to reward themselves for feeling good. And those who are on the dark side of things today, well, here's a pick-me-up, this award's yours :)

Going to post more soon!
Love,

Kanika

Keep Calm and Ca - NO, THANK YOU.

Today, I felt like the most people around me are a mixture of lots of things. Sadly, almost none of these things are happiness-inducing. Arrogance and over-confidence are a deadly set of qualities and it's frustrating to watch people strut around like they own the place. They're going to self-destruct soon enough, and then us socially awkward angels will take over the world.

Coming back to socially awkward, I cleaned my room like a mofo today, and after a marathon session where I think I chucked lots of stuff the 16-year-old me had saved from school for sentimentality, I decided to take the longest hot bath of my life, because I deserved it.

This is me, now: 

The best way to fall asleep is to do it with a book on your face.

Love,

Kanika

Clarity

"I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own."

Oh, Chris Martin, you beautiful being.

Hello, world.

I feel so much more at peace with my feelings these days, whether the feelings themselves are of unrest and anger. It just feels good to not deny the chance of feeling a certain way, be it tired or happy or calm or stressed. Feel each feeling through, right till the bone, till you simply cannot feel it any longer. Maybe this newfound contentment is due to the multiple cups of chai I've been treating myself to. Or just being (or forcing myself to be) so calm about everything.

It's a good day. Here, have some love :*

Love, 

Kanika

Eyes on Fire

Taking every day as a new obstacle and crossing it with pride (mostly). Every morning I decide to do things differently than the previous one, but it mostly ends up being the same shit-fest day after day.
There is my instantly hot temper, my ability to feel extremely stupid in a group of people because I space out so often I can't follow the conversation, and I'm been thinking about things way bigger and beyond anything I experience in any one day in college. Lots of questioning, mostly unnecessary, but it feels important.

Work isn't exciting, there are too many random holidays in the middle of the week to keep me in a sleepless-stressed-about-work stupor.

This song is lovely, give it a listen.

Born to Die - Lana Del Rey

Randomly,

Kanika

p.s. I love comments, I don't bite.

p.p.s. I just did 20 stomach crunches and then rewarded myself with a packet of hide-n-seek biscuits. Nice.

A Prick of a Day

Somedays I'm so insightful that I surprise myself, and somedays it's the wine talking.
Either way, I have things to tell you, whoever you are.

It struck me in a moment of disappointment that it's stupid to trust anyone to not break your heart. Even someone who loves you (intensely) is capable of throwing you into the deep end without so much as a log to hold on to, and the water in your lungs makes it hard to ask for help. Of course after all the apologies are exchanged everything is magically alright again, but I wondered last night...are the scars really gone? Didn't the words that were flung at you cut you up so much that you promised yourself you would never face them again? How does a hug and a sorry bandage that?

I always believed if you love someone, all your interactions with them are influenced by your feelings. I  love you so much that even when you piss me off I stay calm (a courtesy I offer to no one but you), lest I say something absolutely atrocious that hurts you. But maybe I'm in the minority, the small group of people who care too much, cry too easily, and let go too fast.

I miss your comments, you guys.

Love,
Kanika

Maybe I need to write a book

I've been at home and only home for 5 days now. Five days full of feeling. 

I've been in the middle of a lot of conversations lately. I've been watching more news on TV than I have in the entire duration of my being in Bangalore. TV people no longer know how to conduct a debate, it consists only of fat old politicians yelling at each other and making a fool of themselves. People around me yell across rooms and parks and into gadgets. The decibel levels make me cringe and shudder. Who talks softly anymore? And is there anyone who still values the beauty of silence?

I feel closer to a person with whom I am able to share a comfortable and non-awkward silence. That's the real test of a relationship...are you able to still feel together when you're not verbally showing it? There is so much more said in the lack of words than in their abundance. I've been keeping my thoughts to me for a few days and it's overwhelming, but fulfilling. And when I do say something, I make sure it's honest, and clear. It makes for less chance of conflict...with family, with boyfriend, with friends. If you tell someone exactly how you feel in the clearest way possible they never have to assume what you think, and there is simply no room for miscommunication or misunderstanding. I've been trying really hard to not let my short temper explode at the littlest things, and it was difficult at the beginning when everyone turned into a complete asshole. People are inconsiderate and no one is inherently nice anymore. I had to stop deluding myself into thinking that people like being polite; they don't. Everybody's default setting is jackass. And the sooner I realised that, the sooner it got easier to be carefree. I'm not going to be all zen and say that you should stay calm no matter what...if someone's mean to you, I'd say give it back. Subtly maybe, so that your karma doesn't get all screwed up.

Being at home for these two months has taught me tact, has made me quieter than I have ever been, happier in many ways and sad in some. I'm glad I interned here. I needed time with my family. 

Coorg tomorrow. This trip is going to be insane. I'M GOING TO MAKE IT FUN. :D

I'm sorry about the silence on the blog. I think I explained the reasons for it, up there. But let me get back to college and the many emotions it brings, and soon I shall be a chatterbox again.

Love in excitement and tranquility,

Kanika

Pathos and Apologies

Joyous June has been discontinued.

I've been under so much stress and pressure at my internship and I've had sleepless nights for a week. I couldn't keep up with it. I'm sorry to anyone who wanted to join later. And I'll also be deleting all the JJ posts by tomorrow. But I will update this post with all your links tomorrow, because I'm so happy the people who participated did so. I don't want to remove all that with nothing to show for it.
I want to go back to relaxing blogging for a bit. Not blogging that was causing me to be in hysterics at the despair of not being able to update on time. It got too much for me. I'm feeling horrible but I assure you (and myself) that I will make up for it by doing it another month, maybe when I'm back in Bangalore, because somehow I manage to feel more inspired. Maybe it's sitting at home and having so many things and people that distract. Or even just going to work from 9-7 and coming home with no desire other than to meet my bed with a giant hug. The past week has been long and ardous, and with three days left for my internship to end, I just really want a break.

In other random news and feelings, not only am I exhausted physically, but mentally I'm not in a great place. I have things to deal with but no time. Bangalore shall bring clarity and solace. I cannot wait. Three more weeks.

Love,
Kanika

Sleep can't cure this

"Go away," she said,
"leave me be,
to wallow in my misery
to soak up in all this self-pity
because no one seems to care."

Yes, I wrote that. I'm a genius with poetry, am I not?

- I have too many feelings inside me right now, and they are threatening to come in the way of my daily routine. I feel like curling up in bed and sleeping for days so that no one is able to hurt me anymore.

- I want to do another Fantabulous February, except this time it'll be Joyous June. Let me know if it's a good idea and if you would like to join. Read more about FF under the FF label. Click on the top of the post.

- I'm going to spend tomorrow entirely without using an internet connection. I was going to say computer/laptop but I forgot I'm at work and without solitaire to calm me down I will probably brutally beat my fellow intern. No facebook, email, twitter, tumblr or blogging tomorrow. Can I do this? I'm certainly gonna try.

Love with feeling, (if the labels on this post are any indication)
Kanika

Take Care

I was a good person today. I didn't get angry with anyone, I did all the chores I'm expected to do at home without any prompting for once, I listened to my boyfriend when he was angry and I let him yell at me out of frustration, and I was quiet and supportive.

I felt good, it's true. I don't know how long I'll have to consciously do it before it becomes a habit. One thing I have to say, I felt really happy for some reason when I did so. I had moments when I felt a retort on my lips but I swallowed it and smiled, and somehow that calmed me down. It's not a normal hyperactive joy I felt today. It's a calmer internal tranquility. This is good for me, I can tell. I can breathe slowly today without any stress. Who know being NICE could do that :P

There is one thing that still rankled through the facade I put up today, and that is when someone told me to "chill" when I was so very obviously 'chilling'. There is a special place in hell for people who say that in such situations.

I have to share one song today. It's just so addictive and it's stuck in my head. I will proceed to hear this and only this for the first proper 2-day weekend I have off in three weeks.

The video is really beautiful. And I have new found love for Drake. He's always seemed like a bit of a douche. If you hate this kinda music (and I thought I would hate it too) just forget that for about 4 minutes and listen to this song. It's really really great.

:)

Love in happiness of a different kind,
Kanika

p.s. name suggestions for illustration blog are welcome and DESPERATELY NEEDED!

New Feelings

New theme, new header :) And I adore it. It's very dreamy and unreadable, just to my liking right now. Once I post this I'm going to go on a blogpost deleting spree. Delete all the clutter and make this blog pristine.

There are a couple of big things I'm going to say in this post, so it's going to be a little long. I'm asking you to stay with me right till the end, because it's been a long time since I demanded so much attention in a blog post. My last few posts have been distracted and silly, and I have been waiting in vain for a moment of blog-lovin'. It happened last night but the internet was switched off. So I wrote everything down. I guess sometimes writing things down helps more than typing. The scratching of my pen in a tiny notebook was more soothing than I felt the sound of my keyboard would have been at that moment.

I'm adding numbers to these things simply to break them up. I don't know how else to let this flow.

1. I'm going to quote my diary from last night. I wrote this after an intensely disheartening conversation with Ze Boyfriend.

I just spent an hour on the phone with a boy having to convince him that my love was true and pure. I always thought I'd be in his shoes in a situation like this. Keeping my low self esteem issue and constant need for positive reinforcement aside, I've never had problems in the boy department. I've had pretty good luck actually.
Tonight I was accused of being a heartless monster by a person who till recently has refused to accept that I was flawed. Now I'm a can of worms that just doesn't quit fucking up. Everything I do or utter is a mistake in the making that apologies cannot rectify. I must become a superlative version of myself in order to be worthy of this person's trust once more. The old me would have never stood for it. "What? Dance around on the whim of a boy? Never!" And equal rights would prevail, and that would be that. The new voiceless me, however, is not a force to reckon with. I'm spineless with no opinion...rather with an opinion that does no good and only harm when raised.


Things are looking bleak for me. There is love but there is also disappointment. When did I turn into this person who lets such hurtful things go right over her head without any retaliation? I don't want to be a meek, hollow shell of myself. That's what I'm turning into. Instead of the independent, strong woman I want to be, I'm becoming a characterless little girl.
What is a relationship if not a place for me to have my moments of despair with the absolute assurance that there is someone to help me get out of the pit? I'm not allowed to fall apart. I'm not allowed to be muted, only vibrant. I don't know if that's something I have the strength for all the time.

2. Two days ago while sitting with my paternal grandfather while he wrote some letters, I noticed his right leg jittering. I asked him why he was impatient. (My dad, sister and I have the same habit when we're restless.) He smiled at me. "I'm not impatient...it's Parkinsons."
It was like a slap in the face. Parkinsons? What the fuck? I knew granddad hadn't been keeping very well but it was always a slight weakness or a headache or something of that sort that had easily available instant cures. A Paracetamol. Some lemonade with extra salt. Freshly cut fruits. I always believed he would get better in a day or two. And he always did. But with this, I don't know how to find a solution. I watched in silent horror for the next hour as he quietly clasped his knee, stopped writing, and waited for the shaking to pass, every time it happened. He then asked me to help him put some clothes away.
We opened his army trunk, and my grandmother (who's suffering from really serious short-term-memory loss) stopped being low and both of them together told me stories as we folded clothes that brought tears to their eyes. Like how a certain sweater was my maternal grandfather's and when he passed away two years ago his wife graciously gave them all his warm clothes to my paternal grandfather. That made both of them tear up. It made me feel horrible. Because in the twenty years of my being their granddaughter, I didn't know that the bond between the in-laws was so old and so deep. I left the room after two hours feeling like a different person. I was quiet for the rest of the evening, mulling over the things I had discovered in the same room I spent most of my childhood in.

3. I'm slowly realising that as much as I whine about missing school and how simple everything really was back then, I'm doing absolutely nothing to keep in touch. Actually, that applies to everyone in my life, school or not. I get happy when plans get cancelled. I rejoice at not having to look pretty to meet someone but rather sit at home, drink chai and tweet. That's how strange things have gotten. I don't understand my brain anymore.

So as you can read (if you're still here) my mind is a mixing pot of confusion right now. Confusion but somehow still organized. And I just wanted to put it here, because my blog is the only place where all this makes sense.

Love in utter flux,
Kanika

Something In The Air

It's summer, and harshly so.

Summer always brings about changes in my head and my body - I don't feel like eating, I'm much  more susceptible to numbing headaches, I generally feel uncomfortable all the time. It's a constant loosening of the collar and wondering when I can leave college to rush home and get into shorts.

Lately, my sleep cycle is slowly been getting reversed and I feel powerless to change it. Last week I was sleeping at 4 am and waking up the next afternoon at 3. Last night I hit 7 am with no sign of sleep, even though my body was crying out for rest. I woke up at 10 am, lay down for two minutes (or so I thought) and next thing I knew, I was waking up at 12.30.

The plan today is to tire myself to sleep so that this reverse-cycling stops burdening my head every morning/afternoon. I wake up with bricks on my shoulders, and chai has generally been my go-to drink when I need inspiration...but summer laziness prevents me from being in the kitchen (with no fan, mind you) for even 2 minutes. Today though, I woke up and the only clear thought that shone through the abyss my mind is right now was - go make yourself a hot cuppa. And Coldplay shall help me through.

I've planned tons of work. I will finish it too, and go to sleep at a decent hour, sure of myself today, and wake up tomorrow feeling great.

What have you been up to? Comment and tell me, please :)

Kanika

p.s. - This is post number 201. Thank you to everyone who made that number possible! :)