Pathos and Apologies

Joyous June has been discontinued.

I've been under so much stress and pressure at my internship and I've had sleepless nights for a week. I couldn't keep up with it. I'm sorry to anyone who wanted to join later. And I'll also be deleting all the JJ posts by tomorrow. But I will update this post with all your links tomorrow, because I'm so happy the people who participated did so. I don't want to remove all that with nothing to show for it.
I want to go back to relaxing blogging for a bit. Not blogging that was causing me to be in hysterics at the despair of not being able to update on time. It got too much for me. I'm feeling horrible but I assure you (and myself) that I will make up for it by doing it another month, maybe when I'm back in Bangalore, because somehow I manage to feel more inspired. Maybe it's sitting at home and having so many things and people that distract. Or even just going to work from 9-7 and coming home with no desire other than to meet my bed with a giant hug. The past week has been long and ardous, and with three days left for my internship to end, I just really want a break.

In other random news and feelings, not only am I exhausted physically, but mentally I'm not in a great place. I have things to deal with but no time. Bangalore shall bring clarity and solace. I cannot wait. Three more weeks.

Love,
Kanika

Sleep can't cure this

"Go away," she said,
"leave me be,
to wallow in my misery
to soak up in all this self-pity
because no one seems to care."

Yes, I wrote that. I'm a genius with poetry, am I not?

- I have too many feelings inside me right now, and they are threatening to come in the way of my daily routine. I feel like curling up in bed and sleeping for days so that no one is able to hurt me anymore.

- I want to do another Fantabulous February, except this time it'll be Joyous June. Let me know if it's a good idea and if you would like to join. Read more about FF under the FF label. Click on the top of the post.

- I'm going to spend tomorrow entirely without using an internet connection. I was going to say computer/laptop but I forgot I'm at work and without solitaire to calm me down I will probably brutally beat my fellow intern. No facebook, email, twitter, tumblr or blogging tomorrow. Can I do this? I'm certainly gonna try.

Love with feeling, (if the labels on this post are any indication)
Kanika

Take Care

I was a good person today. I didn't get angry with anyone, I did all the chores I'm expected to do at home without any prompting for once, I listened to my boyfriend when he was angry and I let him yell at me out of frustration, and I was quiet and supportive.

I felt good, it's true. I don't know how long I'll have to consciously do it before it becomes a habit. One thing I have to say, I felt really happy for some reason when I did so. I had moments when I felt a retort on my lips but I swallowed it and smiled, and somehow that calmed me down. It's not a normal hyperactive joy I felt today. It's a calmer internal tranquility. This is good for me, I can tell. I can breathe slowly today without any stress. Who know being NICE could do that :P

There is one thing that still rankled through the facade I put up today, and that is when someone told me to "chill" when I was so very obviously 'chilling'. There is a special place in hell for people who say that in such situations.

I have to share one song today. It's just so addictive and it's stuck in my head. I will proceed to hear this and only this for the first proper 2-day weekend I have off in three weeks.

The video is really beautiful. And I have new found love for Drake. He's always seemed like a bit of a douche. If you hate this kinda music (and I thought I would hate it too) just forget that for about 4 minutes and listen to this song. It's really really great.

:)

Love in happiness of a different kind,
Kanika

p.s. name suggestions for illustration blog are welcome and DESPERATELY NEEDED!

There's this thing about design

The problem with design is, no one's opinion or work is wrong.

Which means that when it comes to giving feedback or telling people what you think about what they've made, you are able to act like a jackass and then get away with it. Because somehow saying "this just doesn't work for me, for reasons I cannot explain" is feedback that I have to try and take something from. How do I do that if you can't articulate for shit? I mean, people on twitter are more vocal in 140 characters than you are with the gift of speech.

Needless to say, I'm ticked off with this internship.

Break-fasting

(Any health conscious people or vegetarians reading this, I suggest you stop right here.)

Since 6 years, breakfast has been a meal I love to skip. When I was in school, 7 am meant only a glass of hot milk and then running out the door in fear of missing the bus. In college, breakfast is a leisurely activity I carry out only on holidays, when I'm not running out the door in fear of missing attendance (I think you're seeing a pattern.) I do not enjoy breakfast as much as lunch, dinner or the million snack breaks in between. Maybe it's because lunch and dinner have such a big number of possible things to eat. That includes CHICKEN, something I have resigned myself to knowing I can't live without. But in my mind, since childhood, breakfast has meant toast, multiple kinds of egg, and maybe a stray parantha with leftovers from the night before. Sunday breakfasts are glorious though, and puri-aloo is up there on my list of only thing I will ever willingly eat in the morning.

My internship has provided me with a schedule for the day that I am not used to anymore. It's vaguely familiar to what I had in school, a little more challenging. I wake up at 8.30 a.m., standing ready by 8.45 (surprised?) and till 9 o'clock my mother watches me with hawkeyes as I quietly eat the fried egg and single toast she's placed on the table. If I say no, she will stuff fruits into my bag, and as much as I love apples I'd rather not carry more food to work than the necessary lunch (I'm a bit of a hog like that, if I had more food with me I would never stop eating in office hours).

And I love a good sunny-side-up, do NOT get me wrong, but for every day breakfast, it's a wonder I'm not throwing up every mornings. Eggs are more icky than people think. Yeesh.

Okay putting my strange eating habits aside, Mehak from little trinkets i drop :) has graced me with an award! *joy dance*

And for once, all I have to do once I receive it is simply bask in its glory!

Thanks Mehak :)

Love in breakfastry,
Kanika

Everything that starts must end

Good things in my life are few are far in between. And being okay with that is one of the many realisations I will make as I grow up and leave teenage behind.

I sound like an old woman, and that's because I totally feel like one now.

Internship has begun, and these people are a tad bit stricter than I thought. Whether my work is over, I cannot leave before 6.30 (remember that I am here at 9 am) and sometime in all those hours of looking at my computer and asking for tea, I get bored.

I am now surprisingly proficient at computer Solitaire.

Okay getting back to my game work now.

Love,
Kanika