Don't let the title scare you off. :)
I've been freakishly thin without trying as long as I can remember, much to my mother's excellently hidden jealousy and my friends' not-so-hidden chagrin. Yep. I boast(ed) of a waist size of 24, and I made no effort to maintain it and it was all very awesome except for those normal-after-a-point polite inquiries about my having anorexia. No man, you can't make this shit up. I was asked that at least once a day. And you know, being thin and all I might have been the center of envy but really, I have to tell you, I looked unhealthy. My arms were sticks attached to a torso which made it pretty easy to count my ribs and I pretty much hated wearing shorts because my legs were WEEEEEYURD.
Yennyway. I was used to the thinness and the utter horror of salesmen when I went to purchase jeans. *Idon'twanttogtintoitkthanks*
And. Suddenly - I swear it creeped up behind me so stealthily I had no fucking clue it was even there -
I BECAME FAT.
Oh the horror of it all. I went from size 4 (waist size 26 inches) to a size 12 (waist size 30) IN A MATTER OF MONTHS.
I know what you all are saying now:
"Waist size 30 and she's cribbing?! BITCH PLEASE."
NO BUT REALLY! I don't like the fact that I'm suddenly humongous (well, comparatively) and that my ass IS SO MUCH HUGER THAN IT IS POSSIBLE FOR AN ASS TO BE.
Fuck the pixelation, I wanted this to be big. Unlike my thighs which I didn't.
Anyway. The reason I started telling you about this is because I have realised something which isn't very nice to begin with but speaks a lot about the whole body image debate that I think will never ever subside. I never understood why but girls always assumed that being thin will make them prettier. And I know that all over this post I have been ranting about how I'm fat and disgusting and eeyyurrgh and stuff. But I'm glad I've put on this much weight. I look normal now. I seem to be the only one who minds it but that's because I was used to my thin-ness. I thought it made me 'me'.
People look at me appreciately now and say "wow college has done you a world of good, you look great!" and I'm all "mhmm yeah man thanks I know I'm awesome" and everything. It's really kinda nice. The issue I have is with how this weight gain wasn't healthy at ALL - I didn't consciously try to look better or eat better. This paunch is the result of the chips I have been enjoying since I was a kid!
The point is though - my boyfriend hates this part - that being this normal looking weight now, I have become, well, for want of a better word, quite a hottie.
Delhi is called the Rape Capital for a reason but I never faced any issues but NOW? As I'm walking to my boyfriend's house I must be whistled at about 6 times and almost everyone gives me a second ogling look. No kidding. (And for those of you who mistake this as arrogance, fuck off. Get off my blog. If anything I'm probably the person with the lowest self esteem ever.) And I get so super creeped out because of this at the community swimming pool where I have to go to every morning because my mother thinks I need to 'reduce that giant ass' of mine.
It's a community swimming pool. The kind of people who come here are from very middle class backgrounds and essentially very simple people. Lots of little children who aren't scared of being thrown into the deep end in order to learn. And a lot of repressed boys who are craving some sort of sexual release all the fucking time. So much so that I have been forced to modify my high cut one piece swimming costume and wear cycling shorts underneath it to prevent a lot of VERY UNCOMFORTABLE gaping. And some old uncles too. Ones who should've probably opted for the looser shorts-type swimming trunks instead of the hug-my-thing speedos. *scarred*
I'M HOT NOW MAN! I don't know how to deal with it. I'm so used to be unobstrusive and clumsy and pyjama-clad and uncoordinated that I cannot fathom the effect my wearing shorts (knee length, mind you) can have on the general shady-ass male chauvanistic public of Delhi. I gained weight and along with it a lot of other retarded things, like a constant pressure to look hot in whatever I wear (Y U NO LET ME WEAR MY MONKEY PYJAMAS) and for my hair to be picture perfect all the time (so what if the straightener burns your ear! LEARN TO HANDLE PAIN) and basically all my tops/t shirts must highlight the 'essentials' (bangs head against wall).
Imagine. Looking normal is nowadays attached with a lot of baggage. Wtf is the world coming to.