Monday, August 29, 2011

A Lack Of Color

"Sometimes you have to test someone not because you don’t trust them, but to see how much they'll sacrifice for you and sometimes you have to let them go not because you suddenly stopped caring for them but to see if they care enough to come back. You can never find the right person if you don't let go of the wrong, but at the same time the moment you feel like letting go, you remember why you held on for so long. Sometimes you have to forget what you want & remember what you really deserve. Life doesn't give you the people you want, it gives you the people you need. To help you, to hurt you, to love you, to leave you & to make you into the person you were meant to be. I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

It's been a tough three days.

Of course to him I'm okay, I'm trying really hard to be, but the nights are hardest and in the tiny moments of solitude that I steal away from my friends it hits me: I'm alone as alone can be.

It's still not completely hit, I realize, until I pick up my phone to call him and then remember the last conversation we had and slowly drop my phone back onto the pillow. What to do, he's the only one who can understand the feeling as well as me and he's the only one I have been strictly told by loving friends to not to talk to.

I don't know how to be alone, I haven't done it for four years. Suddenly I have no one to say goodnight to. 

Trying. Getting by. Somehow.


p.s. a big thank you to whoever commented on the previous post. bohot pyaar.

A bigger thank you to Soumya who has decided to cheer me up with an award :)

Things I must do in order to deserve this:

1. Link back...Done.

2. Seven Random Things
- My name means atom, in hindi. Small, just like me. :)
- I drink more Coke than water in a day.
- I collect notebooks.
- Hot baths help me destress. As does cleaning. I clean when I'm pissed. Lucky for my roommate.
- I prefer to write in a notebook rather than type on a laptop.
- My favourite color changes every day.
- Cannot think of any, hence: I am currently reading Shantaram.

3. Answer these:
Favourite song - Your Love Means Everything by Coldplay and Sister Rosetta Goes Before Us by Robert Plant & Allison Krauss
Favourite dessert - Chocolate, no doubt.
What pisses me off - Rude people. And stupidity.
Biggest fear - being alone. HA.
Best feature - eyelashes. So weirdly specific.
Everyday attitude - Live and let live
What is perfection - What I had three days ago...
Guilty pleasure - Good books and chai

4. Pass it on...
Okay. Do not kill me. I have not been reading blogposts for three days. I know, I suck.
But soon, when I'm feeling less suicidal, I will pass this award on to all my favourite and happy blogs. I promise.

Lots of love, guys.
Be happy. I'm trying.


  1. aww man! Hang in there girl
    " this to shall pass".. :)
    its really easy for me to just sit here and type this out to you but in a small way i'm trying to comfort you.. and i suck at it big time!

  2. Being alone is a phase, too; yes, we do under estimate the importance of solitude in life, but it is as important as being together, too, love.



  3. Everything will be okay:) Have faith:)
    You're strong.. You'll get through it.. I believe you will:)


  4. Hey, Hi

    wellll...hmmm....even i prefer writing in a notebook than typing...those words scratched out, a few additions here n there..seems so good... (it makes u feel like a writer.. ;-))

    ohkkay....blowing up sadness in cigarette smoke...hmmm, try getting those smoke rings...if u can make one, try getting 2 of them together...then one inside the other...there are so many better things to do with cigarette... :D
    honestly, smoke for the pleasure of nicotine n that taste of tobacco...feels so good...n add chai to it, its heaven...

    Eon Heath...

    p.s.- try having a pen in ur hand n a notebook wen u smoke in solitude....may be u can write down ur thoughts...

  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

  6. you've been awarded... pls check your mail sweetz :)

  7. Everything'll be fine. :) Hope for the best!
    Congratulations! :D

  8. a double on Eon's comment...
    you shall be up and running soon :)

  9. Who wrote the opening para?

    Girl, don't stop trying till the last moment, leave no room for regrets. :)

    And congratulations :)

    Cheer up,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

  10. Ohhh I collect notebooks too. And I hate stupid people.
    Take care :)

  11. Anonymous4:27 AM

    I kind of fell upon your blog while searching for a quote.
    I couldn't help but comment on how I know what you're going through. I was in a relationship for almost 3 years and recently split about 2 weeks ago. I wasn't really given a proper reason... things seemed fine. He just changed direction out of the blue i suppose. It does get better. I promise you. Being with friends, meeting new people and realizing that it'll be for the better, is what has been getting me through.
    Yes it hurts, yes I still miss him, but after everything that has happened within the last little while I wouldn't change a thing. Though I don't know you I'm sure you're strong and you'll manage. Think about your future and your career or life path.

    Keep living to the fullest!
    From one lost lady to another, take care darling!