Saturday, November 03, 2012

"Take your broke ass home!"

Aim: To make sure you're not too sick to fly back to college tomorrow.

Apparatus: One flu-ridden twenty year old, a Macbook Pro with some decent speakers, 8 cups of tea with excess sugar.


  1. Wake up with a blocked nose, breathing through your mouth. Make sure you sound like an old, crabby man and cough periodically to prove the same.
  2. Croak a desire for a cup of tea. While it's being made, brush your teeth and wash your face in a lame attempt to bring your spirits up.
  3. Feel like your sinuses are going to kill you.
  4. Take a sip of the hot, freshly prepared, adhrak(ginger) wala chai. Let the heat go right down to your toes and force you to take off your grandmother's sweater that you put on because you nicely did not get any of your sweaters from college.
  5. Turn on your laptop. Wince at the opening music of the Macbook's awakening, turn down the brightness of the screen because it makes you want to go blind. Another cup of tea.
  6. iTunes bounces on your dock as you click. Go to the playlist you've been listening to on repeat on your brisk walks in the evenings. It's pretty pumped up.
  7. Third cup of tea. Gwen Stefani will inform you of her wish to be a 'rich girl'. Gwyneth Paltrow will want to 'forget you'. Fergie will tell you to be 'g-l-a-m-o-r-o-u-s." Soon you will be singing as loudly as your croaky voice will allow.
  8. Your mother will walk into the room, expecting you to be in bed with a pained expression and a runny nose. You are actually singing into a hairbrush.