Lack of sleep and major homesickness...not a good combination. I'm dragging my feet everywhere and slouching and stuffing chips into my mouth. I'm watching Tom Hanks-Meg Ryan movies (only) and feeling absolute crushing disappointment because the only relationship that mattered to me more than anything seems to be drawing to a close.
Long distance is hard. It's supposed to be. Basically it's a relationship with your cellphone for a majority of the year. He can't skype. It's blocked on his college campus. So really. I have seen him for 2 days out of almost a hundred and I won't see him for another 40. Imagine living like that. It sucks the life out of me.
See the thing is, I love him. Yes, true, crazy-insane-feeling, shouting-from-rooftops, he-is-the-one love. So 140 days for me is an amazing buildup to when I get to see him. I can't explain what my heart and mind go through when I'm standing at the Cafe Coffee Day near his place. I'm so restless and fidgety and I can hear my heart beating in my head. I'm anxiously looking down his road, tapping my foot, salvaging my hair and straightening out non-existent creases in my clothes.
And then I see him. And it all becomes worth it.
He walks up to me, grinning. My face has broken into the widest smile possible.
"Hi," he'll say, taking my hand in his, and we'll walk into CCD, order the usual, and it'll be the most perfect day of my life.
I'm only 18. My parents are never going to believe me if I tell them that he's the one I want to marry. They'll say, "you're too young for that. You'll find someone else. Someone better."
But I don't want to. I don't think there is anyone better for me out there. Here I am, sending out a wish, a dream into the great cosmic void.
I love you. Don't let go?
Long distance is hard. It's supposed to be. Basically it's a relationship with your cellphone for a majority of the year. He can't skype. It's blocked on his college campus. So really. I have seen him for 2 days out of almost a hundred and I won't see him for another 40. Imagine living like that. It sucks the life out of me.
See the thing is, I love him. Yes, true, crazy-insane-feeling, shouting-from-rooftops, he-is-the-one love. So 140 days for me is an amazing buildup to when I get to see him. I can't explain what my heart and mind go through when I'm standing at the Cafe Coffee Day near his place. I'm so restless and fidgety and I can hear my heart beating in my head. I'm anxiously looking down his road, tapping my foot, salvaging my hair and straightening out non-existent creases in my clothes.
And then I see him. And it all becomes worth it.
He walks up to me, grinning. My face has broken into the widest smile possible.
"Hi," he'll say, taking my hand in his, and we'll walk into CCD, order the usual, and it'll be the most perfect day of my life.
I'm only 18. My parents are never going to believe me if I tell them that he's the one I want to marry. They'll say, "you're too young for that. You'll find someone else. Someone better."
But I don't want to. I don't think there is anyone better for me out there. Here I am, sending out a wish, a dream into the great cosmic void.
I love you. Don't let go?
How do I *love* this post?
ReplyDeleteOh, man. I know long distance, and it mostly sucks. But completely agree with you about that feeling when you see the person after so long and all the days/months of not having met don't even matter.
ReplyDeleteI hope things work out with you and your guy. Anyway though, nicely written post :)
Sad post??
ReplyDeleteAre you kidding me??
That was ultra cute man!
He's one lucky guy, it seems! :)
And just generally, how many Tom-Meg movies are there? Ive just seen two! You've got mail, and the stalker waali!
Cyniqueen - thank you :) thank you for hoping for me!
ReplyDeletePriyanka - sad because it seemed things were going to end...but I guess that's been pushed somewhere into the future. But thank youu :) And there are three, but I;ve been watching only You've Got Mail and Sleepless in Seattle over and over. I'm not sure what the third one is called :|
I know how u feel..Had a long distance relationship too!! Its tough but hang in there and if he is the "one" for you, dont give up!!
ReplyDeleteI've been following your blog, and the posts for sometime, now, Kanika. Honestly, I love the way your posts are. Simple and adorable, and with your superb photography as the cherry(!) on the top. Even made some of my friends who are into photos, and everything read/show your stuff and tried to inspire them with a blog of their own. I owe you one there, already!
ReplyDeleteMore to it, I hate to be the -oh-my-leave-a-comment-for-the-sake-of blogger. So, was just waiting for the right time to leave a comment. And in a weird way, felt this was it. I've been in a relationship for around 4 years - LDR was a part of it. LDR CAN AGAIN be a part of it. But, then again, in the end it boils up down to the "survivors". If you feel strong that he's the one, hold on to it, instead of regretting it later.
I don't know, and why and how I got myself in this situation, but my relationship is in some stress, and strain and its fucking the hell out of me. But, I am holding on. Because, I know I can do it. And I'm hoping that you'll do it, too.
"We are the perfect couple, we're just not in the perfect situation!"
By the way, don't you think you're lucky enough to have that special someone to miss?
PS: I'm so worry for the hay-wired comment, ain't in the normal frame of my mind.
Take care. :)
bollywoodstylediaries - thanks...things seems to be back to normal with him now :)
ReplyDeleteArjit - First of all, thank you very very much :) I woke up and checked my email and this nice happy comment was sitting in my inbox and it immediately brightened up my day :D
He is the one. I know it :) And he seems to feel the same about me. I think we can weather this storm. And if we can't...well we had amazing times.
I hope you're able to hold on to her and I hope I can hold on to him, because finding the 'One' is fucking difficult, and now that we have our respective 'Ones' it'll be moronic to let them go :)
I consider myself extremely lucky that I found him when I was in school when love didn't mean much and we were able to grow into this mature phase together. Missing him is lovely in a way, and specially hearing his voice on the phone. It's the best part of my day. :)
I hope you'll feel the right time to comment more often :)
this is soo cutely touchy ( i am really bad at words! ) ... trust me at the end of the LD it will totally be worth it! :D for all the time we've been apart and for the really special moments wen we've craved for that special someone who shud have been rite beside us.. dang!.. life is so not fair..
ReplyDeleteits like the most amazing feeling wen u get to seem them after sooooooo long! (its like a 1st date feeling or lil more than that every time)
i've been in a LDR and sadly the distance keeps gettin longer till we finally decide to get married *sigghh*... and i so agree with ur " Basically it's a relationship with your cellphone for a majority of the year " he he.. and the never ending trips to the recharge shop and searchin for the "suitable" plan... i really wonder if LDR's were survivable for soooo long without cell phones or internet.. hats off to the ppl who survived it thru snail mail..
i really hope u and ur luv survive the storms and live happily ever aftah! *Touch wood* ... :D