Thursday, September 29, 2011

Why does this happen at 2 am?

Why is it that only at unearthly hours of a night before a submission and night after a long hard day I come to conclusions that I want to share?

Being happy is always a choice. There is always, ALWAYS a silver lining and the patience you have to find it is what made you a stronger person. I used to think so, before sadness hit me like a train. Losing a person (and I'm not talking only break-up wise) made me feel completely useless and not worth fighting for. (This is not going to be a post where I talk about how depressed I am, I promise, so keep reading.) Happiness doesn't seem like a choice now. I try hard, I succeed mildly and then something happens that puts me right back down in the dumps again. I am trying but things aren't working out. It's way more frustrating when you apply all you have to make sure that just because one aspect of your life fell apart everything else still moves along smoothly and it turns back around and slaps you in the face. That's what happening. Every little failure in my day, as trivial as my laptop charger refusing to work brings on a barrage of worthlessness and absolute disgust at the mess I'm becoming.

Why aren't things working out for me? I'm trying to be happy. I am not sad for more than 80% of my day. That is more than I expected to be.

I'm turning into a different person, in some ways better than what I was and in some ways worse. Waaaaay more practical and less likely to take your shit.

I'm going to be proactive. Learn how to live alone and don't expect the moon, and I'll be sorted for life.

Chalo yeh try kar lete hain. Aur option bhi kya hai?


  1. Hey, Hi

    i saw u online last night, n was wondering, "wat is up?" hmm...
    u know why it is these unearthly hours that make us so vulnerable n saddy?? its the silence, the loneliness, the emptiness of everything around...we relate it to our own lives...

    well see, not expecting the moon is well, ok...u see there are many ppl waiting for it to fall...but u can always wait n hope for that one distant star that no one has an eye for... ;-)

    life goes up n down, by now i guess u probably figured it out...its like a smoke, u cant go on draging, there comes a time wen teh flame will go off..u dont crib abt it, u jus take the next one n light goes on..

    gal, liek i said, i am so full of philosophical shit, i sometimes feel am better off working for amrita channel preaching.. ;-)

    do anything u want, jus font let the hope die...always remember, duniya gol hai, wat is left behind will come agin in a different way...
    see i started again...haa...i need to smoke..bye..

    take care...


  2. Hello. I know what.
    BUY A MAC! It shall bring sunshine to you :) :D

  3. I just think it's cuz you're STRUGGLING to be happy. I mean, yeah, you should. But true and real happiness will come on its own. And most importantly, it'll come when you find someone-a friend, a parent, a cousin- to replace him. Just busy your life, and don't think too deep. This involves personality change, as I'm sure you know. Take care <3

  4. It's always an option, babe. I kind of agree with the comment above. I was struggling too..and in some sense, still am. But the day the fact hits you that you're better off this way, kaboom! the world makes sense again.
    Advice: Make the best memories with people you've ended up ignoring, courtesy- the relationship.
    Fact: Makes you feel awesome.
    I just did the Cha cha infront of a bunch of people I had no idea, two days back! and it was kickass. Do some craziness, lady :)

  5. I love this post. Maybe because I can relate to it, having recently gone through the same stuff you're now going through. It's horrible and I know it is. But, give it time. You'll be fine, I promise.

  6. Time heals it all girl! You have a life and he was not all that you could ever call 'mine'.. The fact is just one of those million males will selflessly care and think about you! Just hold on tight and that is to a life well lived! Rest is biology!

  7. It is definitely a choice to be happy. Some people choose it, and some people don't. I always judge those who don't. I try to have fun doing anything and everything. :)
    Twitter: @GlamKitten88

  8. This is wonderful post, and I agree that happiness is a choice. But sometimes it is ok to be sad, and let ourselves feel that too. It doesn't make us hopeless or weak. It's just life. Some parts are not as brilliant as others, and that is alright, because it makes the great parts even better :)