Thursday, September 20, 2012

The dreaded M word


Mature.

It's an ugly word. Who wants to be called 'mature' when you can be called 'fun' or 'happy' or 'carefree'? I don't want to have to worry about things like detergent and domestic help and how much money I've spent on buying tuck for the month (even though I've done it for almost 4 years but right now, this morning, I woke up being scared). 

I spoke to my mum last night and there's a wedding in the family happening in Nagpur, and it falls bang in the middle of my holidays. I'm supposed to stay back with my grandparents and sister, get up early and make something for my sister's lunch and send her to school, oversee the kitchen and make sure there's food for all three meals. I'm fucking shitting my pants at the thought of holding the fort by myself. Yes, I'm 20 years old, but I've never had to be this responsible in my entire life. Specially not responsible for other people.

It's probably a good thing, because if I plan to do further studies after this, I'm not going to be in a comfortable college-approved PG with amazing people who were as lost as me when they joined, and being lost together helped us through everything. New places with new people scare me. I feel awkward and silly and watching everyone else become grown up and in control of their lives. I still ask my parents if I can go out with my friends, not so much because there's a possibility of them saying no but to know that I'm still answerable to someone; it's reassuring. It's probably a good thing, I just can't see that yet.

I'm no longer my parents' plus one, I'm an individual by myself with my own identity. I'm just not ready for other people treating me like that. 

I'd rather be me right now, sitting inside a blanket fort and watching so much Grey's Anatomy that it begins to depress me.

20 comments:

  1. This is such a awwww post :D ,

    BTW love the stuff you do with your header :D

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  2. Haha. The M word is ugly. Being responsible for others is just a tad bit more difficult when you've just begun to become responsible for yourself! :)
    By the way you have so much of fucking brains. I mean these creative headers and things that you put up is AMAZING!

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  3. Oh thank God I thought you meant 'Marriage' and I was like 'WHAT?!', and then I read your post, and was like 'Oohhh' :P
    Why are you so awesome with designing such amazing graphics for your blog? :O

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    Replies
    1. Wow I use the word 'like' wayy too much.

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    2. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

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  4. I'm 20 too! Hi-fives.

    And holygustamundo that is a lot of responsibility. Good luck with that. I shall be following your tumblr now that I know you have one :)

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    Replies
    1. hi-fives!

      My tumblr is mostly retarded humor that no one understands. And mostly reblogged shit.
      Imma make a new one and send you the link of THAT.

      Delete
    2. Hey, I like your tumblr! Yours and Zeebs's too.

      Delete
  5. 20 , 30 or 40.. any one wud feel a lil miserable if they had to leave their independent life n screw their holidays for taking care of the family..
    may u hav strength n courage :)

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    Replies
    1. I'm not miserable, I'm just worried I'll do a bad job!

      thanks though :)

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  6. the M word really is a huge thing esp when everyone seems to think your supposed to be like this and that and some more of this...when all you just want to be is yourself. i mean, how can you enjoy life with too many rules. hahaha. and they keep on saying live it to the fullest. hah! x) uh-oh, sorry i got carried away. LOL

    http://ricochetsandblahblahs.blogspot.com/

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    Replies
    1. Haha you didn't get carried away, you're absolutely right.

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  7. This is that part of life that they refer to as "growing up into being a responsible adult". :)

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    Replies
    1. Am I there yet?

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    2. Best is to be a child always. In the head, that is.

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  8. I've awarded you! =D
    http://lizardtailgonecrazy.blogspot.in/2012/09/let-there-be-awesomeness-y.html

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    Replies
    1. YAY! :*
      I shall thank you properly in my next post, but I'm sending truck-fuls of love your way :) thaaaank youu!

      Delete
  9. loved ur header and i also relate to ur post as i've been staying away from ma family on my own from very early age for studies...
    this is so true for many @ ur age
    "I'm a individual by myself with my own identity. I' just not ready for other people treating me lik that."

    ReplyDelete