Unbearable

Somedays it's an explicable spring in my step, some nights an imponderable gloom, and an almost constant will to express but no strength to articulate my brain.

It's been a struggle to not care about the shitty things that happen in a day (because everyone tells you not to care) but I care anyway. It's easier than trying not to. And I feel better about not denying anything that goes on in my head.

I am slowly beginning to realise the things that make me happy. A clean table, a plant on my desk, a good cup of tea, laughing with friends, a cozy nap in the afternoon, people who lend books, a lovable bulldog puppy who plonks his butt into your lap and demands attention, my new-and-improved fairy lights (photos soon!), sharing a cigarette in the dark in the balcony, logo design books, and I could go on and list things that seem so tiny but add up to really really fulfilling days.

All of this, and Fantabulous February is up soon! I almost cannot contain the joy right now :D

So for people who don't know what FF is (where have you been?!) let me take you through.

Fantabulous February is an exercise I cooked up to keep myself engaged in writing, because I began to feel at this time last year that I was losing my love for the written word. It goes like this: every day for the month of February, I'll be posting an image or quote or basically anything which is even half-inspiring, and by the end of the day, I'd have used that inspiration to write a post of my own. It's like forcing yourself into creativity. And the best part, anyone who wants to take part can do so, all you need to do is write a post on your blog, post the image/quote/etc. there too, and once you're done send me a link to that post, because I like including them here :)

This is the FF label, so you can see the crazy prose we came up with last time :) HERE.

YAY FOR BLOGGING AND BLOGGERS AND FEBRUARY AND LOVE AND EVERYTHING.

Love in ecstatic restlessness,
Kanika

Chasing pavements and dreams of not having a paunch

Hello, my beautiful blog.

Being at home is decadent and rewarding. I've been eating so much nice food that I'm dreading going back to the nights of instant noodles. Of course, I also must try to get rid of the paunch I've developed...and I thought I must before I got attached to it lovingly (sometime last week I caressed my stomach and apologized for not feeding it chicken in a while. I begun to freak myself out). Cue 'Eye of the Tiger' and brisk walks every evening. It took me three days to stop getting tired within ten minutes. My iPod is a brilliant companion. :)

I've been spending a lot of time on Blogger recently and I've been stumbling across blogs where the last post was scarily long ago (think '1 year', '2 years'...) and the thought made me shudder. I cannot imagine not being able to post in that long...and I vowed to make sure my blog doesn't land up being silent for such a while.

Hence!

This is what I currently look like, for people who wanted to know:

I don't want to puke looking at this picture, so I guess it's a good one.

Credits for this: my sister sitting on top of a slide.

The posts are going to be more frequent, I promise (if anyone is still even reading my crap) and I have some stuff coming up next week which I will want to share! :) (mostly it'll be self-obsessed photos of me. You have been warned.)

Let the comments roll in!

Love,

Kanika

A Prick of a Day

Somedays I'm so insightful that I surprise myself, and somedays it's the wine talking.
Either way, I have things to tell you, whoever you are.

It struck me in a moment of disappointment that it's stupid to trust anyone to not break your heart. Even someone who loves you (intensely) is capable of throwing you into the deep end without so much as a log to hold on to, and the water in your lungs makes it hard to ask for help. Of course after all the apologies are exchanged everything is magically alright again, but I wondered last night...are the scars really gone? Didn't the words that were flung at you cut you up so much that you promised yourself you would never face them again? How does a hug and a sorry bandage that?

I always believed if you love someone, all your interactions with them are influenced by your feelings. I  love you so much that even when you piss me off I stay calm (a courtesy I offer to no one but you), lest I say something absolutely atrocious that hurts you. But maybe I'm in the minority, the small group of people who care too much, cry too easily, and let go too fast.

I miss your comments, you guys.

Love,
Kanika

Break-fasting

(Any health conscious people or vegetarians reading this, I suggest you stop right here.)

Since 6 years, breakfast has been a meal I love to skip. When I was in school, 7 am meant only a glass of hot milk and then running out the door in fear of missing the bus. In college, breakfast is a leisurely activity I carry out only on holidays, when I'm not running out the door in fear of missing attendance (I think you're seeing a pattern.) I do not enjoy breakfast as much as lunch, dinner or the million snack breaks in between. Maybe it's because lunch and dinner have such a big number of possible things to eat. That includes CHICKEN, something I have resigned myself to knowing I can't live without. But in my mind, since childhood, breakfast has meant toast, multiple kinds of egg, and maybe a stray parantha with leftovers from the night before. Sunday breakfasts are glorious though, and puri-aloo is up there on my list of only thing I will ever willingly eat in the morning.

My internship has provided me with a schedule for the day that I am not used to anymore. It's vaguely familiar to what I had in school, a little more challenging. I wake up at 8.30 a.m., standing ready by 8.45 (surprised?) and till 9 o'clock my mother watches me with hawkeyes as I quietly eat the fried egg and single toast she's placed on the table. If I say no, she will stuff fruits into my bag, and as much as I love apples I'd rather not carry more food to work than the necessary lunch (I'm a bit of a hog like that, if I had more food with me I would never stop eating in office hours).

And I love a good sunny-side-up, do NOT get me wrong, but for every day breakfast, it's a wonder I'm not throwing up every mornings. Eggs are more icky than people think. Yeesh.

Okay putting my strange eating habits aside, Mehak from little trinkets i drop :) has graced me with an award! *joy dance*

And for once, all I have to do once I receive it is simply bask in its glory!

Thanks Mehak :)

Love in breakfastry,
Kanika