This should be fun

I've been taking very long baths.

Since I'm not at home currently (and it feels so weird to be back in that college time hobo living phase) baths take longer because I must

- wash clothes
- clean bathroom before I bathe
- wipe bathroom floor after I bathe
- carry my toiletries into the bathroom and back into the suitcase
- carry sogging clothes out to the balcony in a heavy ass bucket

But none of this^ can bring down the joy of finding that sweet spot between Antarctica Freezing and Hot as Hell, standing under that strong force of warm water and somehow feeling all your shitty responsibilities clear off your skin, not to mention all the time you get to wallow in your mistakes and find ways to feel invigorated again.

If only.

Haha, anyhow. My final life-determining jury presentation is tomorrow. The amount of stress is my body is making me sick, and it's making me think back to my 12th standard boards. Of course I know now what I didn't know then: the 12th standard boards aren't stressful at all compared to what life throws at you later. But suddenly the still 16 year old side of me began to sulk at her one biggest worry being trivialised. Come to think of it, the stress never really goes away, rather manifests itself in whatever you need to be worried about at that age.

I need to sleep before I pass the point of waking up on time. And Jesus, I sound like a rambling drunk person.

I'll come back to you with jury results, Chaos. Keep the alcohol ready.

because I'm doing exactly what I should be doing at this point: watching Grey's Anatomy and forgetting what day it is.

Love,
Kanika

p.s. follow me on instagram! I'm way more active than a normal human being should be.

Of Love and Other Drugs

Being the douchebag that I am, I missed my blog's third birthday. Three years! My blog is three whole years old! I cannot believe in its existence sometimes. That there is this portal I created for me to talk to myself. And I've ignored it, been angry with it, wanted to shut it down, but I come back to it anyway, because on days when everything else is trying super hard to make me feel terrible, Chaos is what's left behind.

Happy belated birthday Chaos, you are loved! :)

In other news, I've fallen horribly sick and everything feels morose. Every inch of my body goes up in flames of pain when I try to move. This means I can't do anything but rest my laptop on my stomach and scroll through endless distances of tumblr and pinterest, because this is as good an excuse as any to not work. I'm being force-fed a multitude of medicines which leads to long periods of hazy things.

I've come to realise that this diploma project is bringing out the most powerful waves of self-doubt and under confidence. Ze Boyfriend and I are trying super hard to lean on each other and keep our chins up. It's difficult when you look at it head on, but having someone to cry and complain about it with you makes it feel 1235126387% do-able. Fascinating how love can fill up all your gaps.

I'll be back once my nose isn't threatening to fall off.

Love,
Kanika

Stress and all its friends

Turns out that the week-long eye twitch you've been suffering is caused by stress and too much caffeine. Er...

Till I deal with that, this word (and action) needs to become illegal: FAFF.

Ok, back to excruciating eye-twitch worthy work.